u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
