you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
