There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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