I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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