I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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