Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
