did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
