You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
