even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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