Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
