oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We have started to decorate penises.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
