Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....