Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dating After Heartbreak
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts