I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.