you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
