hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Farmville is her only friend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
