i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize