TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
