we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drake has all the answers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
