I could make wine with my vomit
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
