You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
