Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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