You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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