Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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