I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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