Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
