cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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