I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
