If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dear god my vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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