If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
