Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
