After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize