I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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