wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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