yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
