how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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