Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
