it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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