I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
