eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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