i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
