Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
