okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
