Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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