rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We have started to decorate penises.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
