Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i've created a new STD.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
