I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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