I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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