Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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