dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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