2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
