I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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