Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
