I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
