If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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