I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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