so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
