S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and she was petting her beer can
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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