they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
