hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
