Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
