No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
