im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
