If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
