my phone needs a breathalizer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
