and you said cock pushups were impossible
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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