highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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