They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
